-A Compilation from the “Chambers Flashbacks” Mini Series-
If you’ve ever been to a WGD hunting camp, you may be familiar with the name Ross Chambers, affectionately known as Palley. Though a highly skilled guide, Ross is also known for providing comedic relief in camp from time to time. The cost of admission to his show? It will cost you a highball! But perhaps most entertaining is the legend of Ross himself, as he and his antics become the stuff of lore! Countless stories have been shared over the years. While researching for content for this article, we realized that there’s much to be learned from these stories, often verified by witnesses, otherwise known as friends, though Ross may be hesitant to use this term of endearment.
You’ve heard the expression, go big or go home? That may be fitting as we flashback to Ross’s Grand Entrance to hunting camp.
Gary and Ross were to meet up to pregame for bear hunting season, with much preparation to be done. His first trip to East Lake was a memorable one…as just before midnight he turned off East Lake Road with his red Ford Ranger pickup, which Ross affectionately referred to as his DeRanger, and proceeded to go down the boat ramp directly into East Lake with a Sploosh! In his defense, it was dark out with no artificial light, and Ross’s home base is Bay City. Enough said
Lesson #1: Make First Impressions Count
So we’ve established that Ross did indeed arrive to pre-bear camp. On one occasion, circumstances would lead us to ask.. Who knew that baiting bears in Michigan’s upper peninsula could be such a perilous endeavor? It’s not just the abundant wolf population that poses a threat in the wild.
Trivia question: Is there quicksand in Michigan? Just ask Ross. To paraphrase, he said, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” but with much more color, of course.
Sometimes a short cut could cut your life short. As Ross quickly sunk to his armpits in mud, panic ensued. Gary frantically searched for a stick with which to rescue him while making a wisecrack about it being too bad Ross didn’t have a hat on so they could find him easier. Thanks to these heroics, despite being preceded by uncontrollable laughter where tears ran down Gary’s cheeks, Ross’s life was spared. Gary extended him a stick with which to extricate him from his less than luxurious mud bath. Yes, this time tragedy was averted and a memory was made, albeit with residual PTSD, though from the quicksand or Gary’s laughter, Ross can’t be quite sure. It has been said that Ross now wears a hat when baiting bears. By the way, Ross said the best part of the experience was entering Gary’s truck full of mud!
Lesson #2: Look Before you Leap! (Or walk softly and make sure your friend carries a big stick!)
Whether full of mud or “your name is Mud,” sometimes it goes beyond mud to something more. Ross shared a quote that many will identify with and become our next lesson, after which we’ll ponder… Just what were you doing when your father attempted to enlighten you with this bad tasting morsel?
Lesson #3: “If you step in dog $hit, stop and scrape it off your boots because at some point you’ll put your foot in your mouth!”
What if the morsel is of the bacon nature, and what if it is deemed necessary for a review of the proper steps should a fire occur… Stop Drop & Roll! It happened one morning as Ross volunteered to cook bacon during hunting camp. He seemed confident enough in the kitchen, so no one questioned his methods. What should have been the alluring smell of bacon tantalizing the taste buds quickly went from a momentary beacon of bacon to a dangerous grease fire!
The good news is that the hunting cabin did not burn down and no one was injured in the bacon disaster of 2015. Bacon was not served for breakfast on that fateful day. Ross has not been asked to make bacon since.
Lesson #4: When cooking bacon in the oven, be sure to use a pan with sides, NOT a pizza pan!
It’s such a shame to waste good bacon. Did you know that even the bear are mesmerized by the smell and flavor? It starts with sweet and if needed, guides proceed to bacon! Preparing baits for bear camp creates a sweet, sticky mess. Bears crave sweets and when they’re in the mode to beef up in preparation for hibernation, what better place than the well prepared cookie bait or bait pile. Procuring bait for bear season begins long before the hunt. Outfitters build relationships with businesses, such as bakeries and restaurants, arranging to have them save their day old or expired goods to use as bait. Setting this stuff aside may be inconvenient for them, as it takes up space. So the outfitter is tasked with timely pick up of these food items, often involving excessive travel. Then there is purchasing bait from specific bait providers, such as Ratajczaks. And this process moves into overdrive in the months preceding hunting camp.
So fast forward to the kid in the candy shop, we’re affectionately referring to Ross here… I mentioned the sticky part, right? So let’s take this to the next level as I implore you to take on a visual of Ross Chambers in said candy shop. Legend has it that no one can spread bait sweets quite like Ross. Why the skunks have a hey day at night feasting on what has been left scattered in the bait prep zone. And Ross covered in blueberry pie filling is a sight to behold, at least for the bear. Perhaps he should be placed in the bait pile. Would Ross get along with the masked bandits that frequent the bait piles? Could a new title be in store for Ross, as in “Racoon Whisperer?”
Might the candy shop include bacon? Everything is better with bacon, including donuts, a common cookie bait entree. So it makes sense to include bacon in this smorgasbord. This is sometimes done through the implementation of a bacon burn. Did you know that Ross has a special shirt he wears just for this task? Bacon burns are when the outfitter/guide goes to designated baits with a Coleman 1 lb cylinder portable camp stove and a 1 lb coffee can of bacon grease. The grease is melted and then carefully thrown in the area of the bear bait, even high into surrounding trees to catch the wind and lure in the bear. Gary carefully instructed Ross on the process, with Ross quickly saying, “Yea, I get it. Gimme that. What’s the big deal? How hard can it be?” Soon after, Ross proceeded with his “bacon burn,” and subsequent perfunctory toss of grease only to catch a large clump of bacon grease on the new shirt his wife had recently gifted him. Ross was to learn about “Bacon Burn 101” that day. (Make sure you completely melt the grease first, then toss forward without looping it backwards onto yourself.) Gary promptly urged him to remove his shirt to avoid burning himself. But Ross has his own way of doing things. The temporary burning sensation was to etch a memory in his mind, one that would deter him from future participation in this activity.
Lesson #5: You’ve heard that everything’s better with bacon. We learned here that clothing is exempt from this generalization, unless the bacon clothed person is part of the cookie bait.
Besides bears, coons, and skunks, sweets also attract insects, including bees! Ross would realize this in a big way when he absentmindedly kicked the bait pile while a downed bear was being retrieved from the area.
Lesson #6: Don’t poke the bear (or his bait pile)
It was dark out, so the guys had their head lamps on, a certain draw for the angered bees. Little by little, they each figured it out… “Turn off your lamp!” Worked like a charm. The most affected by the bees was Ross, of course, as he was stung repeatedly. He continued swatting away, until one of the hunters finally grabbed him, forcing him to turn off his lamp. The bees instantly ceased their attack, and Ross, now in a rather sour mood, would make his way back to camp. Another hunting success and another lesson learned.
Lesson #7: You catch more bees with honey (or any sugary substance) and sometimes this is to be taken literally!
We know bear have a sweet tooth and bacon cravings. But who knew there could be such excitement over the smell of a beaver’s castor glands? And who would go to such lengths to not only find this out, but actually extract such a substance?
Ross was to become an understudy to one such crazed individual, not by plan, but due to his impatience as Gary was attempting to puree beaver castor glands to take his bear baits to the next level. Those present would learn that Ross has a way with blenders, inspiring the new name for this nasty concoction… Palley’s Pate’. Ask his buddy John and other witnesses to this iconic event. Let’s begin by defining Pate’: a paste-like food, typically made from ground meat, often combined with fat, seasonings, and sometimes alcohol. Neither fat nor seasonings were added to this dish, though alcohol may have been involved.
In preparation for bear baiting, Ross was to prepare the castor gland pate’, which is obtained from beaver, and provides an irresistible aroma to allure bears. Palley would lack patience on this fateful day, as his efforts to blend frozen castor glands took a nasty turn when he removed the handle of the lid to better visualize the contents. He proceeded to insert a stick in this opening to agitate the frozen glands and accelerate the process. However, he did not anticipate the literal backlash of his actions. As Ross turned on the blender to the highest puree’ setting, mind you, he was simultaneously bathed in castor gland pate’, much to his horror and that of the unfortunate onlookers. Dry heaves immediately ensued and another Ross memory was made.
In a desperate effort to rescue what valuable castor gland he could for his intended purpose, Gary grabbed a spatula from the kitchen and started scraping the pate’ from Palley’s face, much like that of a parent spooning the food off their child’s face, though in this case, no airplane maneuver was to be used.
The machine responsible for Palley’s Pate’
Lesson #8: Impatience with a blender can have disastrous consequences or at least make one heck of a mess.
No surprise here, but throughout his career and even in retirement, Ross marches to the beat of his own drum. This means that he fills his time how he chooses and is very much an individual thinker. Sometimes with “genius,” it’s difficult for others to really understand what’s going on beneath the surface. We are grateful for the comedic entertainment these memories provide, if not at the moment, at least in hindsight. We’d like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the good sport within our dear friend, Ross by allowing us to share these stories. And if we’re being completely honest, he has helped Wild Game Dynasty immensely over the years. Thanks, Ross!
We would be remiss if we did not mention Ross’s wife, Holly, who has likely exemplified extreme patience during their 50+ years of marriage. We’re sure she’s learned a few lessons along the way herself, such as buying Ross’s clothes at the Salvation Army, or similar.. We’d like to thank Holly for her understanding when it comes to Ross’s shenanigans. The song title, “Holly Holy” comes to mind here. (Phrase inspired by none other than Neil Diamond)
So raise your cup to Ross & Holly! May there be many more stories to come.
If you have a story you’d like to add to our Chambers Flashback Collection, feel free to reach out to Gary at gary@wildgamedynasty.com. Good stories must be told and the world deserves a little laughter. It’s good for the heart and soul!
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